I've been on the patches for three weeks now. They are working great. I'm doing great. Proud beyond belief that it's working out so well. =) go me!
As for my weight loss. I'm down 10 lbs. Happy about that. Not about the way I'm doing it, but I am exercising and it feels wonderful. I feel fucking fantastic. Loving it. Some drastic changes help lol. But it is what it is. I'm doing me. And I'm doing pretty damn good!
So idk. Doing ok on the no smoking. I'm happy about that. Just pretty sad. A lot has gone on since my last post. Working on getting myself together. Its very hard. My husband of 9 years emotionally cheated on me... I'm a bit of a wreck. Crushed beyond belief. Hurt as I've never hurt. Pain. Its not a feeling I like. I'm hurt that my trust was destroyed. So easily. Like I meant nothing... Working on pulling myself forward. Just a day at a time. Its all I can do to just breath.
So I'm doing great on the no smoking. these patches are wonderful. Don't get me wrong, mentally it's still a huge struggle. But I'm doing good.
Going back to the gym today after work. I had joined and right now I'm working cardio, arms, and legs. I'm not expecting over night results. This is going to be something I'll have to work on for a long time. Something I'm going to have to fight to keep up at. It's harder now with the personal issues I'm going through. But I got to do it. I must do it. I need to succeed. I will succeed. That is my vow.
So day 5 for no smoking. I did try a smoke from my friend. I wanted to try it. And I did, and it was disgusting. I'm so glad I feel that way! It's so relieving I guess. But I'm not out of the woods yet. I know I'm going to have to mentally prepare for total freedom.... Mentally. Crap
I'm going to go and sign up with a gym today. I'm nervous because it's very easy for me to give up. I'm afraid of failure. Terrified of it. So I avoid things like the plague... I'm weak. I admit it. But I'm ready for change. I'm almost 30 (2 yrs). I know I got to make changes for a better me. A healthier me. But I lose focus, and site of my goals. I crash and burn. I can't do that. I need to do better. I hope I can. I'm afraid I won't...
Ok. So I am on day three with the help of cq patches to help me quit smoking. So far my physical cravings are down. Those patches work. It's the mental part I am having trouble with. It's frustrating. But it's already working. Going to make sure I keep up on it. I want the best results.
As for my weight loss... I am on day one. Drank a slim fast for breakfast and had a cutie (clementine). For lunch a Special K chocolate shake, a banana, and 2 cuties. So it's only day one. Going to be smashing water too.
It might not be much... But for me it's a start. The biggest thing, I really want to do this right this time. I've said it all before. I've even tried it before. But I get so discouraged... I feel like it's not working. Then I give up. I have no support system.... I could, but idk. I just want some emotional encouragement. Seems too hard to ask for sometimes.
So I am going to try to tackle the two hardest things at the same time. Quitting smoking is the first, and logging weight is the second. I weigh 264 atm... I want a healthier me. For me. So I am going to blog about it. This is just a motivational technique to try to make myself better. I'm tired of being judged on what I look like. feel like nobody can accept me as I am the way I am. people are too damn judgemental. this is it for anybody else how can it be. I want to be noticed I want to be loved. and I know that the changes to start with me. I'm going to take a picture and start from here. wish me luck...
